Archive for the ‘Music’ Category

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“Too much lyricism to digest, I do it on purpose. Two of my bars are more lyrical than two of your verses.”

– R.A. The Rugged Man – “Tom Thum”

Terribly underrated and often ignored, R.A. The Rugged Man is a name-drop among hip hop heads to test the credibility of one’s love for the genre. Most might know him by his award-winning Verse of the Year on “Uncommon Valor (A Vietnam Story),” but if you’re not familiar with the man’s work, take the $10 you’ve got in your pocket and cop this album on iTunes. I will guarantee satisfaction.

Rugged Man doesn’t put out any bullshit. It’s been 9 years since he released his debut album, “Die Rugged Man, Die,” through Nature Sounds. He has a strong underground following because he values quality over quantity, which is something I truly respect in a musician if they do it right. As an independent artist, he has no corporate backing and a limited budget (AKA this mother fucker does shit on his own, for the love of the game). So before I even review the album, when I say take that $10 and buy this dude’s album, I mean it. As hip hop heads, we NEED to support artist’s like Rugged Man who are unique voices in sea full of conformists.

Now to the album.

Standout Tracks: “Tom Thum,” “Learn Truth,” “Legends Never Die,” “Sam Peckinpah,” “The Dangerous Three,” “Still Get Through The Day.”

My personal favorite track is “Tom Thum.” Rugged Man demonstrates an unbelievable mastery of the flow over a production that changes frequently throughout the song. He’s known for spitting lines upon lines at a fast rate without taking a breath, and he addresses this talent. “I don’t need to breathe when I rap I got gills fuck lungs.” The second verse is one of my favorite of the year especially when the beat cuts out and he raps, “I’m at the Best Western tossin’ your girls salad with some french dressing.” Listen to this track a few times just to make sure you don’t miss any of his genius lines.

Learn Truth” is the lead single, and rightly so. With the help of fellow hip hop vet Talib Kweli, they provide a socially conscious narrative of the world we live in today. Many consider this to be RA’s best verse since “Uncommon Valor” and I can’t fault them. He finds a way to say what many young American’s are thinking, all while giving us a history lesson and making that shit sound dope over a fire piano riff.

Rugged Man enlists Brother Ali and Masta Ace on “The Dangerous Three,” and wouldn’t you know, they all step up to the plate and knock it out of the park. Brother Ali gets down right gritty on this track, which is something we all like to hear him do from time to time. Masta Ace is like the Vinny Testeverde of hip hop, just steady putting up numbers (quality verses) for over 20 years. On “Sam Peckinpah,” Vinny Paz of Jedi Mind Tricks trades lines with Rugged Man in the old school Beastie Boys/Nas and AZ style of rapping. I wish more artists did records like this, because it shows versatility and chemistry. When I hear RA and Vinny going back and forth, I picture them hanging out, shooting the shit, and spitting for fun. It’s something new artists lack that needs to come back.

While we see Rugged Man’s humor and raw lyricism on most tracks, “Still Get Through The Day” and “Legends Never Die” will bring a tear to your eye. “Still Get Through The Day” is almost like a self-help song. He tells about his cousin, sister, brother and father who have all passed on from disease or drugs, but makes sure to let you know that at the end of the day, “It’s a miracle just being born. Learn to enjoy life.” So true. Life’s a precious gift and we have no control over when it ends, so value that shit. “Legends Never Die” is an ode to his late father, and by the end of the song if you don’t feel emotionally moved by his words, then you’ve just got a big steamy dump in your pants. His producer Mr. Green flipped the “Halo” sample by Beyonce and turned it into an upbeat production with extremely heartfelt content by RA. Simply put, the man loves his father more than life itself. He had such a strong influence on RA, teaching him “combative green berets tactics,” and about “Crazy Horse and his tribal glories.” We’ve all lost someone who has meant a great deal to us, and hearing RA tear up at the end of his last verse will bring back the feelings you had for that person.

It’s truly refreshing to hear an artist on the level of RA stick to his guns and not sell out. The content of this album wouldn’t have been possible if he had to bow down to a corporate label. He’s got an incredible flow and the brains to match. When I heard he was dropping an album, I got excited because I knew he would bring the heat, and he didn’t disappoint. Remember that $10 you have in your pocket? If you support independent artists who do all the leg work on their own and want to hear a quality album that ranks among the best of 2013, hit up iTunes and download “Legends Never Die.”

The Album Combo Project: Jay-Z

Posted: October 4, 2013 in Music

So here’s installment number two of my experimental game, The Album Combo Project (I still think the name sucks so feedback, please). In the first installment we looked at my personal favorite rapper of all time, Nas. There were times in that post where I blatantly said that he can do things Jay-Z can’t, which I stand by. Some of you may have taken that to mean I don’t like Jay.

False. Jay-Z is probably my second favorite rapper after Nas. I just think the content of Jay’s rhymes can get a little old (guns, money, bitches, you know the deal). But that doesn’t mean that I don’t love the guy’s entire catalog. He’s the definition of rags to riches success. In my opinion, the most successful rapper of all time. He’s done songs with just about everybody, has the finest chick in the game wearing his chain, and enough money between them to make Floyd Mayweather blush.

When it came down to choosing my two favorite Jay albums, it was easy. “The Blueprint” and “Reasonable Doubt” touched me in ways that none of his other albums did. I think lyrically he was the most on point and hungry during these  two. The production on “The Blueprint” is only a step below “Illmatic” in terms of consistency, and “Reasonable Doubt” is also up there with “Illmatic” as one of the best solo debuts in hip hop history. The only other album I considered putting on this list was “The Black Album,” but I quickly scrapped that idea because for me, it doesn’t come close to the other two. Great album, but not on the level of these.

Ok, so let’s get into this. Same rules as before. “Reasonable Doubt” has 14 songs, “Blueprint” has 15, so we’ll round down and use 14 songs total, seven from each album. Here at last is my 14 song Jay-Z Album Combo Project.

1. “Dead Presidents II”

Jay had two songs back to back on his debut that were produced by the little known Ski Beats, and they were probably the two best songs on the whole damn album. “Dead Presidents II” is as smooth a record as you’ll find. The catchy piano riff will be stuck in your head for hours until you listen to the song again and get your fix. This was back when Jay was still in his Jazz-O phase with sped up rhyming. He shows the quickness at a few points during this song, but doesn’t go off the grid too much. Overall a classic joint that goes down as one of the best in his career.

2. “Renegade”

Produced by and featuring Eminem, this record helped thrust “The Blueprint” into classic status. Most of the album was produced by Kanye and Just Blaze, who both have distinctive sounds. But towards the end of the album when “Renegade” comes on, you can feel the different energy brought on by Shady. Now let’s call out the giant elephant in the room…Eminem absolutely beasted Jay on this song. So much so that Nas referenced it in “Ether” and it was deemed a crushing blow because it was so true. But I don’t fault Jay for that. Rumor has it this song was the last addition to the album and I don’t think Jay could have prepared himself for the onslaught them Em would bring to the track. Doesn’t matter to me though. It’s a banger and a half.

3. “D’Evils”

Where did all the Illuminati rumors begin for Jay? I don’t know, but if you really want to look at where it’s first referenced in a song of his, look all the way back to the DJ Premier produced, “D’evils.” Premo brings the heat as usual, with a beautiful sounding piano sample that will have your head bobbing for the duration of the song. Jay starts off the song with the classic line, “Shit is wicked on these mean streets,” and goes from there to talk about the drug game and how it haunts him. Preem and Jay got together twice more on “Reasonable Doubt,” but this remains my favorite out of the three.

4. “Heart of the City”

“What’s all the fuckin fussin’ for? Because I’m grubbin more? And I pack heat like I’m the oven door?” Awesome line, showcasing the theme of the song: you make it big, and all the people who had your back coming up start hating. The love fades. “The Blueprint” was Kanye’s coming out party as a producer, and this track has probably stood the test of time better than any other of his tracks off the album. It also helps that it was the theme song to “American Gangster” and has been used in car commercials.

5. “Regrets”

Don’t ask me why I have such love for this song, I just do. Ok go head, ask me why. Basically I was in high school and had just smoked an L with my boy. I dropped him off and was by myself driving to a friends house. This came on and I zoned the fuck out for the duration of the song so bad that I totally missed the turns that led to my friend’s house. The synth and bass really stuck a chord with me (pun intended) and to this day I get brought back to that time many moons ago when I hear it. The chorus is a pretty well-said rule of life, too.

6. “Girls, Girls, Girls”

Girls, Girls, Girls. We love ’em all, don’t we guys? The way Jay structured each verse in this song is what really stands out to me. He takes four bars to describe a specific type of girl, does that three times, then wraps them all up into the last four bars by using each girl’s stereotype. Just Blaze really captured the essence of the song with his patented orchestra and soul samples. My favorite bars: “Now that’s spanish chick, french chick, Indian and black. That’s fried chicken, curry chicken, damn I’m gettin fat. Arroz con pollo, french fries and crepe. An appetite for destruction but I scrape the plate.” Amazing.

7. “Brooklyn’s Finest”

Biggie pretty much cosigned Jay on this one, and what better title than “Brooklyn’s Finest?” That’s what they were at the time, and it still rings true. They match bars back and forth to a much quicker and up beat production than a lot of songs off “Reasonable Doubt.” I actually think Jay’s performance on this song was better than Big’s. There’s no denying how catchy a line like, “I’m from Marcy I’m varsity chump you’re JV” is when you’re rapping along with him.

8. “U Don’t Know”

When I first listened to “The Blueprint,” this was THE standout track for me. His wordplay and the production blended so well together that I considered this to be my favorite Jay song for a very long time. From the second the song starts, he puts his foot on the pedal and doesn’t let up until the song ends. I don’t think anyone will ever rap about being a hustler quite like Jay did in the beginning of the third verse. “I sell ice in the winter, I’ll sell fire in hell. I am a hustler baby I’ll sell water to a well.” I mean, who the hell comes up with that? Simply incredible work by Jigga on this one.

9. “Can’t Knock the Hustle”

Track 1 off the debut was soft, simple, and beautiful. He teamed up with the Queen of Hip Hop Mary J. Blige over a simple drum beat and bass line to make a classic. The title of this song really set the stage for what his rap career would be all about: hustling. Like “Dead Presidents II,” you can hear the Jazz-O influence still present as he quickly rhymes through parts of his verses. Favorite line? “My pops knew exactly what he did when he made me. He tried to get a nut and he got a nut and what!”

10. “Ruler’s Back”

Just like I wrote about with Nas’ “Stillmatic Intro,” I think “Ruler’s Back” was a perfect tone setter for the whole album. The production had that live band feel to it which I love so much. At this time, Jay was making his claim for King of New York status, and by calling himself the ruler he let everyone know that he wasn’t messing around on “The Blueprint.” It may not be the best song lyrically, but I think it’s place on the album was extremely important.

11. “Feelin’ It”

If you’ve never felt the high that you get from the lye and raised you’re L in the sky to this song, please go purchase some weed, roll one up, and go for a cruise while jamming to this. It’s a smokers classic, which is funny because Jay makes it known in this song that he only smokes “every once in a blue when there’s nothing to do.” This was the other song produced by Ski Beats on “Reasonable Doubt” and it’s still in heavy rotation for me. Once you hear that piano riff in the beginning, you just sit back and relax while letting Jay take you on a lyrical ride through the joys of the herb.

12. “Izzo (H to the Izzo)”

I guarantee I’ll get a lot of hate for picking such a mainstream song, but can you really argue? I still remember going to get back to school clothes with my Mom and hearing this on the radio. EVERYONE knew this song. When you sample The Jackson 5’s “ABC” and mix it with one hell of a catchy hook, you’ve got a hit my friends. So save the hate for another day. This song belongs on the list because it’s a classic. End of story.

13. “Can I Live?”

This song holds a special place in my heart because I used to listen to it while I was falling asleep. The beat is just…tranquil. Hypnotizing even. The horns and the light cymbals just put me in a zone that most other songs can’t do. I don’t really have anything to say about this song lyrically. This one was purely for the smoothness of the Irv Gotti production.

14. “The Takeover”

You didn’t think I’d leave this off, did you? Of course not! Now, as much as I praised “Ether” in my Nas Combo and said it’s levels above “The Takeover,” I still love this song. It bumps and has the catchy, head-nodding beat to match. Some of his lines against Nas were good. “Yeah I sampled your voice you was using it wrong. You made it a hot line, I made it a hot song” But to me he really shit on Mobb Deep good. Saying he has pictures of Prodigy as a ballerina, and asking if one of them has sickle-cell (I think they actually do). Good stuff here from Jigga. Also, when my dad can recognize a sample in a hip hop song, you know the production was tight. He never thought he’d hear Jim Morrison and Jay-Z on the same track.

There you have it. Another Combo Project down. What do you think? Agree? Disagree? Whatever you feel, it’s your opinion. I just like to spark discussion. Either way, you can’t deny that this is a dope playlist.

The Album Combo Project: Nas

Posted: October 2, 2013 in Music

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Do you ever have a debate in your head that you think about on a reoccurring basis and never definitively answer? Today, I was on my way home from work listening to Nas and asking myself that oh so common question, which album do I like better, Illmatic or Stillmatic? Now a lot of heads will call me crazy for even suggesting that any album could be better than Illmatic, but this is just my opinion. I discovered real hip hop when I was 14 years old, so I came up on everything at the same time. There was no time for Illmatic’s place in history to set in with me because I was fiending for any song, album, and artist I could get my ears on.

While I was going back and forth in my head, I came up with an interesting idea. A game of sorts that can be applied to any form of music. I call it the Album Combo Project (open to any name suggestions, by the way). Here are the rules.

– Use an artist or group’s two best albums or mixtapes if they’re that dope. (Note: this is all opinion, so the best can be your two favorite)

– Add the number of tracks to get the total for both albums, then divide by two to get the average (round DOWN if it’s not a whole number).

– Create a playlist that’s as many tracks long as the average using both albums.

– Interludes/Intros/Skits don’t count as tracks unless you want them to.

– You have to use a certain amount of songs from each album. Since I can’t figure out how to explain it in words, I’ll just use our first two albums in the Combo Project as examples.

  Nas – Illmatic – 9 tracks (not counting “The Genesis”)

  Nas – Stillmatic – 14 tracks

14 – 9 = 5. There’s a difference of 5 tracks between the albums. Divide 5 by 2 and get 2.5. Again, round this number DOWN if it’s not a whole number. Our number is 2. I can use 2 more songs from Stillmatic if I choose to because that album has more songs than Illmatic.

Those are the only rules so far, so let’s get started.

What better place to start than my favorite hip hop artist of all time, Nas. At age 40, the man has done it all for half his life and is widely regarded as the best lyricist of all time. Illmatic might be the greatest pure hip hop album ever, and Stillmatic was his “comeback” to reclaim the King of New York throne after Biggie’s death and being called out by Jay-Z. Both albums mean a lot to the hip hop community and to me personally, so understand I thought long and hard about this shit. It’s all opinion though, so chime in with your own, too.

Without further adieu, here’s my Nas super album tracklist.

1. “New York State of Mind”

Start off with one of the grittiest records ever. This was Nas announcing his arrival. It’s one of Premo’s best tracks too which says a lot. Whenever him and Nas get together magic happens, and this was the start of it all. Not to mention the true story of Nas doing the whole song in one take. Legendary producer meets legendary emcee and beautiful music is made.

2. “Rewind”

I rarely see “Rewind” mentioned among the greatest lyrical performances of all time, but I seriously think it belongs in the discussion. I mean, how many rappers can tell the story of a night with some booty turned drive-by shooting with that much imagery and flow…backwards. Saying phrases backwards, spelling words backwards. I always point to this song when involved in the Nas/Jay-Z argument because let’s be serious, Jay could never do this.

3. “It Ain’t Hard To Tell”

The closing song that ended Illmatic, letting everyone know that Nas was the new standard in MC’ing. It wasn’t hard to tell that this 20 year old from QB had SKILLS out the wazoo. Large Pro sampling the smooth saxophone for the chorus made this record a stand out.

4. “One Mic”

On Stillmatic, Nas was perfecting his story-telling and imagery. Just as “Rewind” told a street story, “One Mic” captured an intense exchange between Nas and cops with the production and beat build matching the lyrics perfectly. The sirens sounding as Nas’ voice becomes louder and more emphatic gives this song incredible feeling.

5. “The World Is Yours”

Ah, Pete Rock production at its finest. The jazzy piano cuts, the horn matching the snare hit, and of course Escobar’s incredible flow. This record had it all. Premo has stated that he had a couple beats going for the album, but when he heard what Pete Rock did with “The World Is Yours” he went back to the lab to step his game up.

6. “Rule”

As one of Nas’ mainstream hits, I think “Rule” gets overlooked as a quality classic track. It gave us a glimpse into the more socially conscious Nas that we see so frequently now. His message is simple as he repeats it during each chorus: Peace. We all have a responsibility as humans to take care of ourselves, each other, and the world in general. Hip hop needs more songs like this to reach mainstream status.

7. “Life’s A Bitch”

Can we all just take a moment to thank Nas for allowing one guest feature on Illmatic? Putting AZ on this track showed how much Nas believed in his talents. Now, 20 years later we can truly appreciate how right he was. AZ’s opening verse goes down as one of the greatest in hip hop history. He does nothing short of murder this track. Nas was no slouch either, which is why I always love when these two get together for a project. They each step up to the plate and deliver their best, while flowing off each other flawlessly.

8. “Ether”

I mean, what else needs to be said? This, along with “Hit ‘Em Up” are THE standard in hip hop battle records. Poor Jay-Z didn’t know what he was getting himself into. Nas let the world know within the first 5 seconds what the deal was. “Fuck Jay-Z” were the words that blasted through the speakers of everyone waiting to hear how Nasty would respond to being called out. He then went on to destroy Jay-Z and Rockafella as a whole. After the world heard “Ether,” there was no dispute about who won the fight. “The Takeover” is multiple levels below “Ether,” but hey it didn’t hurt Jigga’s career too much. I hear that guy is doing OK for himself.
9. “Halftime”

This was the first single off Illmatic. Nas and Large Pro teaming up for another classic. The thing that impresses me about Illmatic is the fact that none of the songs really have hooks. It’s just someone saying the name of the song title on repeat. Nas doesn’t need catchy hooks to grab your attention, all he needs is 16 bars and a beat. Large Pro kills it with the bass line and the horn sample again.

10. “Stillmatic Intro”

I’ve loved this track since the first time I popped Stillmatic in the CD player and heard the beat drop. “They thought I’d make another Illmatic, but it’s always forward I’m moving, never backwards stupid here’s another classic.” His ability to rap, but make his lines sound like he’s talking to you making a point is uncanny. This is why I made the rule about intros being optional to count as a track. “The Genesis” has no rapping and is strictly an instrumental with Nas and AZ talking over it. But the “Stillmatic Intro” jumps right into Nas spitting flames at us.

11. “One Love”

Nas has always been about having themes or concepts in his songs, and “One Love” is one of his most perfect masterpieces. Nas writes letters to his homies locked up in the first two verses, telling them of all the happenings in the hood. He uses verse three to explain how sometimes he needs to get away from the struggle and just chill by himself for a while, which is something everyone can relate to. Q-Tip brought the Tribe sound to Nas and wouldn’t you know, he killed it.

12. “2nd Childhood”

Another concept song where Nas uses each verse to describe a different person that we can all say we’ve known at some point in our lives. The person who never accepted the responsibilities of being an adult and continues to hang around in the streets with younger people doing immature things. This was a Premo beat that took me a bit to come around on because it’s VERY choppy, but once you have the ear for it, it’s a beautiful song. Like I said earlier, when these two get together, magic happens. Premo has said he wants to get together and do an album with Nas, so we can only hope that he comes around at some point.

Boom. Twelve songs. All classics. Straight fire. If you’re looking to introduce someone to Nas, this would be a great start.

Hardest omissions were Memory Lane, Represent, and Got Yourself A Gun. I wanted it to be six songs from each album because I truly love them equally. And you know I gave this list legit thought because leaving off two Premo classics was tough.

My next installment of the Album Combo Project will probably be for Jay-Z, using The Blueprint and Reasonable Doubt. I’m thinking about using Liquid Swords and Cuban Linx as the two best solo Wu Tang albums, too. We’ll see what happens, but for now feel free to chime in with your opinion on my list.

 

Gwen Stefani – Still Got It

Posted: August 19, 2013 in Hot Girls, Music

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Gwen going with the ol’ Jessica Alba pose. Nice. I’m a huge Gwen Stefani fan. No Doubt was awesome. Her solo career was solid too. And she’s always looked like a freak in the sack to me. I’m definitely not the biggest fan of lipstick, but Gwen pulls it off. What she lacks in chesticles she makes up for in unique style and beauty.

Happy 50th Birthday John Stamos!

Posted: August 19, 2013 in Movies, Music

Have mercy! Can’t believe it’s the big 5-0 for this ageless freak. He’s right up there with the likes of Clooney, Timberlake and Jeter as top guys to trade lives with. Ass crushing machine who can’t stop won’t stop until the memories of Aunt Becky slowly fade away. I mean, he’s gotta be in every chicks top 3 over 40 right? Clooney and Stamos are just in legendary classes of their own. He’s the only guy who is on a level of cool where he can answer the phone with “Talk to me.” John Stamos…so hot forever. John Stamos.

Just know this is what your girlfriend/wife thinks about while you’re stabbing her vagina with your limp noodle…

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(LA Weekly) Coolio has brought so much happiness to your life already, but that’s potentially just the beginning. How would you like to retire off of his music? That could happen, should you decide to buy the performance royalties from his entire song catalog, which go on sale near the end of the month. (Assuming that, um, there’s sufficient market demand for the music.) “Gangsta’s Paradise,” “Fantastic Voyage” and all the rest are being offered through a company called The Royalty Exchange. The bidding will start at $140,000! There will be 123 songs in total, from eight different albums, and it will all kick off on Aug. 28 at 9 am pacific time and end the next day at 11 am pacific time. The catalog is being sold directly from Coolio himself.

Anyone who has a spare $140 grand lying around and wants to loan it to me with 0% interest, I’ll gladly accept. Housing market sucks, stock market sucks. Why not invest in some vintage music from the one and only Coolio? Let’s make this happen. Look I’m not gonna sit here and tell you that Coolio is a great rapper or that it’ll be worth the money to buy his catalog. But think of the perks. You’re at a bar and someone gets on the mic to do “Ganster’s Paradise.” You can go up and pull a Kanye West, rip the mic out of their hand and tell them to pay up or get the fuck out. Hey if you wanna butcher the lyrics to one of my songs be my guest. But you gotta pay me a flat fee of $10 on the spot. POWER MOVE. Just thinking about that is so fucking boss, I don’t think I can go to another karaoke night without owning the rights to a popular song. Hey Nickelodeon, try broadcasting Keenan & Kel without my permission to use the theme song. Lawsuit city. And we all know that show was nothing without the theme song. Might have been the best theme for any 90’s Nickelodeon show.

Sidenote: “Gangster’s Paradise” goes so fucking hard. I had the tape cassette single for it. I cried when it got eaten up in the boom box. Probably my #1 most justified tears shed of all time.

(Song sucks but Kendrick’s verse gets serious at 4:30)

So Kendrick Lamar’s verse on this song has been going viral because he called himself “The King of New York,” and basically called out all of the best rappers in the game right now by name. For those of you who don’t know or don’t care, this is pretty big news in the rap game. You don’t go around saying you’re the King of New York unless A) you’re from New York and B) you’re name is Jay-Z or Nas. So needless to say, a relatively new artist who’s from Compton making such a bold claim might ruffle some feathers.

But I couldn’t be happier about this. For anyone who doesn’t know, I’m what we in the community call a hip-hop head. I get my rocks off listening to incredible hip hop that usually doesn’t see the light of day. Diggin’ in the crates is what I do. I’ve only recently hopped on the Kendrick Lamar bandwagon. I downloaded his album “Good Kid, mADD City” about a month ago and it’s straight fire. The dude is versatile as fuck and really tells a good story. So I’ve got respect for him as not only a rapper, but as an artist. When I heard that he called out everyone from Drake to Mac Miller to Nas and Jay-Z, I was a little skeptical at first. But then I read a tweet from none other than P. Diddy (or Diddy or Puffy. I don’t know what we call him nowadays). He said that this is good for hip hop because the whole genre was founded on competition and battles only raise the level of performance. And I think Diddy might know a little something about great rap battles.

It’s so true, though. The 90’s were the best years in hip hop because you had a bunch of young, talented rappers duking it out for the crown. They took shots at each other (literally), and didn’t shy away from the battle aspect. Nowadays it’s like rappers are hand picked from a pool of potential candidates waiting to be the next star. When MTV wants to make you famous and dub you as the next great rapper, they’ll do it. Nobody rises through the ranks the old fashioned way by battling over a simple boom bap beat anymore. Can anyone really imagine Drake, Wale, or J.Cole going one on one with the likes of Big L, Biggie, Nas or Tupac? Fuck no. They’d be frozen like a couple Papa Doc’s going up against those legends. And I like most of the new guys Kendrick called out. I’m not hating on them. I just think most of them are soft lyrically. So to see someone finally come out hard throwing hay makers at everyone in sight is truly refreshing. Kendrick, I’ll follow you on your crusade to bring hip hop back to the golden age. I’m in LA, you’re in Compton. We’re a match made in hip hop heaven. Wanna be bros?

 

PR 101, people. Chris Brown has been steadily rising up the ranks as the most hated celebrity for a couple years now. What’s the easiest way to get the haters to lay off and start sending their #prayersforchrisbrown? Fake a mild seizure in a private recording studio and claim that it was “stress related.” Aw poor baby Chrissy doesn’t like being the bad guy. Everyone’s a big meanie calling him names on Twitter. Boom. Stress related-seizure. Problem solved. Now he’s got about three months to “recover” until his next inevitable domestic abuse charge. You’re a women-beater, Chris. Let’s see you transform out of that rep. Just remember one thing Chris…

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I recently started listening to Action Bronson and I dig his stuff for the most part. He embraces being fat and white and I’m hearing he’s in talks with networks to star in a cooking show (a lot of his songs have to do with cooking). So I thought this was pretty cool. Making old people try to listen to new music usually makes for a funny scene. And I know I know, I thought the same thing as you. I thought the black ladies would be more into it. I guess black people over the age of 60 still segregate whites from hip hop. Where’s Eminem to give an “I have a dream,” speech when you need him.

So this thing went viral today. Mos Def demonstrating how shitty it is to get force fed like a G-Bay prisoner. Fucking stupid. So, I did what most soft dick sensitive ass Americans do now when they find something offensive…

“An Open Letter to Mos Def”

Dear Mos,

What’s good? I’m calling you Mos for the same reason I still call Ron Artest by his “former” name. Because I grew up with you as Mos Def. Let’s cut the BS here. I fucking LOVE your music. Black on Both Sides, The New Danger and Black Star are three of my favorite albums of all time. You’re talented as fuck brah. But why do you have to go off being an overly politically active dick dog and make a stupid fucking protest video like this? I get it dude. We treat terrorists like shit and don’t give them a fair trial. I know this statement gets thrown around a lot, but if you’re really that anti-American policy, go live somewhere else. I normally don’t say that to people because most don’t have the means to pick up and leave the country to live somewhere else. But you’re famous. You’ve got money. You’ve traveled the world. Go somewhere else and bitch about the policies of America, the same country that gave you the opportunity to become majorly successful. Do you know why we treat terrorists like shit? Because they try to kill innocent American people who love their country because it gives us all the opportunity to reach success and fame like you have. Simple as that. American citizens pay for these terrorist fucks to be fed and kept alive. They don’t want our hospitality? Too bad. We’re gonna shove a tube through their nose so they feel the warmth and kindness that makes America the greatest country on the planet. You know, they can avoid the whole force-feeding situation if they just eat like a normal human. It’s not like the force-feed is the only option.

I guess I just don’t get how in this day and age when literally anyone can make a deadly bomb and just pop it off in public, why anyone would want suspected terrorists or people with terrorist ideals to be running around free as a fucking bird. Mos, if one of your family members was affected by the Marathon Bombings or 9/11, I think you might have a change of tune, tune-changer. I bet you think being searched by the TSA is a violation of your constitutional rights too, huh? Well, you’re a Muslim now. Maybe you converted strictly for the jokes? I don’t know, but it’s a tough life being a Muslim in America nowadays.

Please, just stick to making awesome music and being a mediocre actor at best. It’s what you’re good at.

Sincerely,

Bick