Archive for the ‘Hot Girls’ Category


What the fuck is going on? I was under the impression that Kate Upton had a pancake booty. But this? This is a legit smokin hot ass. I’d go as far as to say it resembles Ring Girl’s masterpiece backside. This has to be some sort of crazy GIF camera trick right? No way that this beautiful bouncing booty could be the same as this one…



Carnival queen: Rihanna once again donned a very revealing outfit as she attended the Kadooment Carnival, part of the Crop Over Festival, in Barbados on Monday Carnival queen: Rihanna once again donned a very revealing outfit as she attended the Kadooment Carnival, part of the Crop Over Festival, in Barbados on Monday Having a ball: The 25-year-old was seen sipping out a hip flask as she danced on a float

Party time: The songstress was clearly getting into the festivities

Like what you see? Rihanna tweeted a picture of herself as she made her way to the festival

Get ready: Rihanna pulls the straw out of her cup in preparation to pour

Fitting in: The singer was joined by several other similarly scantily-clad women as she revelled in the sunshine

Familiar faces: Rihanna was accompanied by her best friend Melissa Forde and her dutiful burly bodyguard

Change of pace: Rihanna was also seen sipping out of a rhinestone-encrusted cup complete with straw

That’s a sexy fucking body in a sexy fucking outfit right there. Anyone who says otherwise has a mild case of the gays. I’d like to say, “I’d fuck the shit out of Rihanna,” but then I’d just be lying to everyone. We all know she’d snap my dick in half like a twig. I’d be so over-matched I can’t even fantasize about it.

(Daily Mail) She is one of the most petite actresses in Hollywood, famed for her toned physique. But size 6 Jessica Alba, 32, is on a mission to convince the world she is just like the rest of us as she claims to suffer a multitude of body hang-ups including stretch marks, cellulite and a muffin top. ‘Let’s face it, I don’t have the body of a 14-year-old anymore,’ said Alba. ‘I think the more we try not to have that unrealistic ideal, the happier we’ll be.’ Speaking to Women’s Health magazine, the actress confessed: ‘I have cellulite and stretch marks – and I have a muffin top!’ But her fans will be hard pushed to spot any of these complaints, even after two children her washboard stomach and slim limbs remain perfectly sculpted.The Sin City actress explained that she finds exercise too boring and struggles to keep up with her fitness regime: ‘I have a brutally short attention span. It means I’m useless at working out. I get so bored.’ The star has previously confessed to spending three months strapped into two girdles following the birth of her second child, Haven. ‘It was brutal; it’s not for everyone,’ she said speaking with Net-A-Porter magazine. ‘I wore a double corset day and night for three months. It was sweaty, but worth it.’

Nah. I don’t believe it. I WON’T believe it. Nope. Not until I have sex with her and see these so called deficiencies for myself. And since that’ll never happen, I’ll never believe. Jessica Alba will be 76 years old and I’ll be seeing her as Dark Angel, dressed in black leather crushing any dicks that lay eye on her. Seriously, this was me at age 11 watching Dark Angel…

It’s OK Jessica. You don’t have to pretend to be human so the rest of the female community will accept you as one of their own. You have to be yourself. You’re NOT human. Two kids down and you still make me pop wood. That’s some serious skill right there. You’re a top 5 all timer and always will be to me. You’ve got several busts in the Spank Bank Hall of Fame, if you know what I mean.

Obligatory Jessica Alba photos in 3, 2, 1.

2012 MTV Video Music Awards - Red Carpetmaxim-miley_cyrus

Miley Cyrus is growing up and she’s not pleased with others’ attempts to censor her in any way. The singer sparked controversy in June when she released “We Can’t Stop” — a sexy dance anthem, rife with drug references. Though the song’s producer first claimed the lyric was “dancing with Miley,” not “dancing with molly” — which is a slang term for MDMA — Cyrus has set the record straight. And yes, the former Disney darling is singing about rolling. “It depends who’s doing what. If you’re aged ten [the lyric is] Miley, if you know what I’m talking about then you know. I just wanted it to be played on the radio and they’ve already had to edit it so much,” the 20-year-old singer told the Daily Mail revealing interview. “I don’t think people have a hard time understanding that I’ve grown up. You can Google me and you know what I’m up to — you know what that lyric is saying.” Cyrus also opened up about the racy video for “We Can’t Stop,” which she complained was heavily edited by MTV UK. When asked by the paper what she would say to those who believe her video is too provocative, she quickly responds by referencing the Trayvon Martin case: “Then I’ll give you an edit. I just think the world is so lame because you can shoot people in a movie and you can let people like [George] Zimmerman off on trial but you can’t have someone going like this [she stimulates oral sex gesture], that is so dumb to me,” Cyrus explained. “The world is such a f–ked up place the last thing people need to worry about is my cute little video for ‘We Can’t Stop,’ you know what I mean?”

Oh baby. I’m fully hard. Straight up 6 to midnight action right now. Nothing turns me on like a bitch telling it the way it is and being absolutely correct. Also, doesn’t hurt to now know for a fact Miley rolls her tits off on the weekend and has wild sex parties that I need an invite to ASAP, or at least some leaked video footage. Rolling balls for a dude is a catch-22, though. You are having the time of your life, but it’s baby dick city in the pants. No chance I could get hard even if Miley herself was twerkin that sexy little ass of hers right on my dick.

But the real story here is Miley Cyrus doing what I wish more people would do nowadays. Just stick to your guns and let everyone know how you really feel. None of this deleting tweets bullshit. No more fake ass apology press releases. My respect for Miley Cyrus just grew ten fold because she’s right. Who the fuck cares what she’s doing in her video? Who the fuck cares that she’s making drug references in her songs? Bitch was just named Maxim’s sexiest woman alive (which I don’t agree with at all but that’s a battle for a different day). Just because she got her start on a Disney show doesn’t mean she’s gonna be daddy’s little princess forever. This is how real life works. If Miley Cyrus never made it big, she’d be a 20 year old hot ass college girl shaking her ass in nothing but her neon booty shorts at a Barstool Blackout. Except she did make it big as a child star so the media wants to keep her image that way. But you can’t tame the freak inside of Miley. She’s gonna do her molli, rage, wear skanky clothes and get boned and the media will have to sit there and take it because fuck them, that’s why. I’m 100% team Miley all day, all night, sex parties, dee-light.

Here’s the video that people are freaking out about. Sexy time indeed, but have they never seen the video for “Smack My Bitch Up” by The Prodigy?

Porn star Andy San Dimas was kicked out of PNC Park for provocatively dancing while wearing a unicorn mask during the July 13th Pirates-Mets game, according to Deadspin. A witness told the site that a young woman in a unicorn mask was sitting in front of him at the game. Her friend announced that the masked woman was a “major triple x star” who would be stripping later that night at Cheerleaders Gentleman’s Club in Pittsburgh. The witness states that the woman was engaging in a clothed “sexy stripper dance.” She refused to stop when an usher asked her, and when confronted by security, ended up leaving the ballpark. Deadspin sussed out that the “major triple x star” in question was none other than 26-year-old Andy San Dimas, a porn star who also made an appearance in the movie Drive. Hughes also tweeted a photo of San Dimas posing in a police station with an unidentified officer wearing the unicorn mask. The tweet has since been deleted, but was captioned, “Apparently you get kicked out of pirates stadium if you done a unicorn mask !” According to CBS Pittsburgh, the officer — whose name has not been released — is currently under investigation “for being involved in the stunt.”

First of all, you’re not a “major triple x star” unless I know who you are. So sorry, Andy San Dimas. Better put the nose to the grindstone and get filled by a few more dicks each day if you want to be considered “major.” Rachel Starr and Abella Anderson are having a good laugh at your expense right now.

But I feel SO fucking bad for the police officer whose job is now in jeopardy because of the third picture. The person in charge at that police station has to be a woman, because any man would understand this guy’s position. Do they know how hard it is for a slightly overweight middle-aged man to resist some playful flirting from a cute girl? Forget the fact that she’s a porn star strutting that sexy little ass all over the station. Even if she were a normal person, all she’d have to do is say, “Aw officer, you’d look so cute in the unicorn mask!” His spine would be jelly. No possible way he could say no. But this chick was probably like, “Aw officer, you’d look so cute in that unicorn mask with me tonguing your grundle. Put it on pleeeeeeeeeease?” Game over.

Kissed a girl: Bar Refaeli steals a smooch with friend Orna Elovitch in a pic the model shared on Instagram on Wednesday

Bikini beauties: The stunner posts a number of scantily clad selfies. She tweeted this one earlier this week of herself and Orna wearing matching bikinis

First the nerd on the Superbowl commercial. Now, some smoking hot chick friend. Next, me. Plain and simple. If I ever cross paths with Bar Refaeli in LAX or Malibu or Hollywood, I’m going in for the kill. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, right? I’ll use my own personal go-to line. “Can I have a kiss on the cheek?” Kiss. “Can I have a kiss on the lips?” Kiss. Always works.

Next step is to incorporate the kiss on the dick.

Michael Boatwright’s driver’s license says he was born in Florida, but after waking up from a hospital bed in Palm Springs, Calif., all he can speak is Swedish. has a new in-depth report on Boatwright, who was found unconscious in a motel room on February 28. He has no memory of his life and only responds to the name “Johan Ek.” Doctors have diagnosed Boatwright with Transient Global Amnesia, a disorder in which patients are unable to form new memories. Medical personnel also believe Boatwright is in a dissociative fugue state, wherein a person forgets their past and can sometimes take on a new personality. Boatwright, who appears to have lived in Sweden for much of his life, has an online portfolio that says he got a bachelors from Michigan State and Masters from Stockholm University. It’s unclear if Boatwright’s symptoms will be temporary, but similar conditions make headlines with regularity. Two months ago, the Telegraph reported on a man with “Walking Corpse Syndrome” who thought he was dead. And, unlike Boatwright who likely spoke Swedish before he found himself in the California hospital, Englishman Alun Morgan woke up from a stroke last December to discover he could only speak Welsh, a language he never formally learned.

This begs the question, if you were to wake up and only know one language besides English, which would you pick? I think it really all should be based on what type of women you’re most attracted to. That being said, Swedish ain’t a bad choice at all. They’re blonde haired women are known as being some of the hottest the globe has to offer, and quality of life in Sweden is off the charts. Did you know Swedish couples are entitled to a combined 480 days of parental leave? And you can divide it up however you want. That’s pretty fucking sweet.

However, I’m going with Brazilian Portuguese with Italian in a close second. Yes, for all of you who don’t know, there’s a difference between Portuguese and what they speak in Brazil. I bet most of you thought they spoke Spanish anyways. I know people will rip me apart since there’s been an increasing number of violent stories coming out of Brazil lately, but the women. I can’t resist those curvy Brazilian girls. They’re straight up built to fuck. And an American dollar is worth $2.25 in Brazil. That means I can take my blogging wealth and live like a king with all of the women and cocaine I want for like…a year. Yeah, that should be enough time for me to remember my old life. I’ll take it. Hopefully I don’t get mixed up in any soccer matches or concerts, though. People tend to get decapitated at those things in Brazil.

And just to prove my point…


Legs for days? Check. Pulling off the short hair? Check. Hanging with a MILF? Check. Two-piece outfit made out of dollar bills? Check.

Baller Status = Complete. Keep doing you, Miley.

Mmmm. Daddy like. My love of basketball is well documented. Never been attracted to the females who can play though because, well, most are beastly and too unwomen-like. However, a cute girl (she looks cute) combining rhythmic gymnastics with the sport I love to make a trick shot free throw = Stiffy City. I’ll rebound for you all day if you incorporate bending your sexy little body into basketball. Then we can hit the sheets to see if I can get one off before the 24 second buzzer.

Spoiler alert: I can, and will.

Always had a soft spot for Cassie Steele. I also always had a hard spot for Cassie Steele.