(The Sun) – A BANKER who enjoyed sex parties and luxury holidays as kickbacks for his role in a £1billion fraud was facing a lengthy jail term yesterday — along with five associates. Senior HBOS worker Lynden Scourfield, 54, forced struggling clients to use a pal’s firm. In return he was treated to hookers and X-rated bashes with girls including porn star Suzie Best. Suzie, 31, romped with fellow escorts at a string of X-rated bashes for the fraudsters which involved wads of cash and stashes of Viagra. Scourfield, 54, who she likened to diminutive Hollywood star Danny DeVito, was last night facing a lengthy jail term along with five associates for a £1billion loan scam. He had targeted 200 failing businesses — and forced them to use a consultancy company run by his pal David Mills, 60. High-risk loans of £245million were agreed which would never be repaid. In return Mills rewarded Scourfield and his workmates with luxury holidays — and the services of ¬several high-class hookers. One of their favourites was Suzie, 31, a £300-an-hour escort from Barnsley, South Yorks, who describes herself as “bisexual” with a “high sex drive”. She met up regularly with Scourfield and his friends — who she dubbed “the posh tw*t bankers” — in a a rented West London apartment.
Suzie, whose services include spanking and humiliation, told a court how she did girl-on-girl shows for them and also performed sex acts on some of the men. In her evidence Suzie, who features on porn websites, said that Scourfield had a hairy back and suffered from premature ejaculation. In December 2005 Scourfield was among a group who went for a meal with three escorts at the Royal China restaurant on central London’s Baker Street. One of the hookers who kept a diary wrote: “Then drinks at flat and quick s**g. Easy £1,500. Home late and drunk.” The court heard that Scourfield had worked as a director of impaired assets for HBOS based in Reading, Berks. He appointed Mills’ firm Quayside Corporate Services — where Bancroft and Cartwright also worked — to administer bank loans to companies in financial difficulty between 2003 and 2007. It was to prove a mutually beneficial arrangement. Prosecutor Brian O’Neill told the trial: “Scourfield advanced huge sums to the businesses, and ¬continued to do so well past the point when it would have been obvious to any honest banker that the bank debt could and would never be repaid.”
These rich-getting-richer stories are always love/hate for me. I hate the fact that some straight up douchebag assholes are playing around with the money of decent, hard-working people. I hate that they manipulate the system illegally and lead people toward the path of bankruptcy rather than steering them away from it. They put any form of ethics or shred of common decency on the back burner in exchange for the quick buck. As a working middle-class guy who comes from a working middle-class family, this type of shit strikes a chord with me. I can’t help but think that me or my parents could easily get suckered into a scam like this and end up on the shit end of the stick.
But on the flip side, there’s kind of a lot to love. You want to talk about grabbing life by the balls and running with it? These are your guys. First off, I’d love to be a fly on the wall for the inception of this idea. You’ve got to have some gargantuan gonads to think about pulling this off. It amazes me the egos on these finance guys, thinking they can legitimately get away with burning people for billions of dollars. I mean, I used to stay up all night paranoid when I’d steal a Twix bar from the Honey Farms down the street. I can’t imagine how these guys slept knowing they were on the hook for fraud charges if they ever got caught…
Oh wait. I know how they slept. By going on million dollar benders with porn stars (Suzie Best NSFW), hookers, and loads of Viagra. That’ll put your mind at ease. In all seriousness, I think Viagra is an underrated party favor. If you’re living the type of life where you have paid talent accompanying you throughout the night, you’re most likely going to get royally fucked up and end up facing the dreaded whiskey dick later in the night when the chips are all on the table. Wouldn’t it be nice if on that Uber Black ride home into the hills you could pop a Viggy and show her a stiffy?
Then again, according to this story one of the homies got blown up for, “having a hairy back and prematurely ejaculating.” Would you rather be a quick-nutter or have a hairy back? I’m taking quick-nut every day of the week. So you bust quick, who cares? At least the sex was good for half the people involved. Ted Williams could only dream of batting .500. On the other hand, a hairy back is universally considered repulsive by all races, sexes, and creeds. I’m willing to bet “grizzly-backed men” is one of the least commonly searched fetishes out there. It’s just…gross.
Overall fuck these guys for screwing the common man.
But that feeling when you illegally make your first billion off a loan scam…
…must be so, so sweet.