Archive for January, 2017

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Yesterday afternoon I was out and about doing some errands when I started feeling a little low on energy. Maybe chalk it up to low T, or the fact that I got hammered the night before and only slept 4 hours (wink wink gif). But either way, I needed to stop and get a coffee. So I went into the closest Coffee Bean and ordered myself a regular iced coffee, black. I slide my card to pay, and am presented with the following screen:

HOW MUCH WOULD YOU LIKE TO TIP?

5% |  10%  |  15%  |  20%  | NONE

Now, this isn’t the first time I’ve found myself in this situation. As these new iPad payment systems become more prevalent, the tip prompter  has reared its ugly face to me before. But most of the time I’ve been lucky enough that the cashier will turn away to do something else when it’s time to tip. Whether that’s a natural coincidence or a recognition of my complete discomfort, so far I’ve been fortunate.

But yesterday was a different story. I of course clicked the “NONE” option, because I’m not going to tip someone for filling a cup with ice and pulling a lever. I have principles goddamnit. The coffee itself is drastically overpriced as is ($4 for a regular), so yeah, I’m gonna penny pinch. Get off my back.

When I turned the iPad back toward the cashier, she looked me directly in the face, rolled her eyes, and sarcastically said, “Thanks.”

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Um, what the hell lady? Trying to fight fire with fire? I mean, not tipping was a little rude. I get that. But I’m the customer, and this is a clear breach of confidentiality in the Server/Tipper contract. At least wait until I leave to rip on me. Don’t rekt me in front a live studio audience. Now I have to turn around and face the people behind me knowing damn well they just saw me get roasted by a cashier for not tipping. To make matters worse, I have to stand there like a dick in a yard waiting for my coffee with a bunch of people who clearly over-tipped because they saw what happens when you’re on the wrong side of this savage cashier. Then, when they finally called out my name, she gave me my coffee with no top, forcing me to ask for one. A subtle, but effective way of twisting the proverbial knife into my heart and ending a complete and total rekting of my whole life, all in a matter of three minutes!

This is a serious, first-world issue that I feel needs to be addressed. It’s a slippery slope we’re going down when you’re being prompted to tip for EVERY credit/debit purchase. I mean what’s next? Do I have to tip at CVS? Am I supposed to give 15% to the guy who unlocks the dressing room door at Nordstrom? Where does it end? This isn’t like a bar where there’s a set precedent of rules, and you disregard the fact that pouring a beer takes minimal effort and throw them a tip anyways. These are common, everyday situations that previously only called for loose change tipping, or tossing a dollar into the jar if you got service that really knocked your socks off. People like to complain that millennials expect handouts. Well, look no further than the automated tip prompter as an explanation for this behavior.

Tips are to be earned, not given. Nobody should have to deal with the persecution I felt Sunday afternoon at Coffee Bean. This is a call to action for everyone who feels cornered by the tip prompter. Stand with me and fight for the right to tip at your own discretion based on performance only. DJT – If you want to Make America Great Again, this seems like the perfect place for your next Executive Order.

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(This is one of my favorite pictures ever. It’s so ridiculous it looks fake. This guy averages 23 PPG in the NBA. Unreal.)

So the Portland Trailblazers twitter account was poking some fun at an awful airball that Chandler Parsons had in their game last night.

 

Nothing wrong with that. Same thing as the crowd chanting “AIRBALL!” But Chandler felt the need to throw some shade back at the underachieving Trailblazers after the game.

 

 

Damn man. Not a good look to be that shook by some intern from the other team busting your balls. Pretty thin skin for a guy who models as a side gig when he’s not playing professional basketball.

But then, CJ McCollum came out of left field throwing a haymaker.

 

 

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Ouch. When the second best player on the other team says that they lucked out by not signing you, that’s gotta sting a little. Chandler Parsons was a hot commodity this offseason. And judging by his stats, the Grizzlies drastically overpaid for him. Let’s compare the two…

 

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Double ouch. Parsons has simply been a bust this season, while McCollum continues his rise as one of the best scoring guards in the league.

But Chandler had the last word, reminding us all that no matter what the stats and airballs say, he walked away a winner this summer when he signed his contract.

 

Very true. McCollum is still on his rookie contract, so this year he gets paid way less. But come next year, these guys will be making virtually the same amount of money, for completely lopsided production.

 

Parsons contract:

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McCollum contract:

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So as much as I’d like to say McCollum gave Parsons the Ol Yeller treatment with his tweet, the numbers don’t lie. At the end of the day, Chandler Parsons makes far more money than McCollum this season, and for the next four years they’ll both be making over $23 million. Granted CJ had quadruple the production, the pay won’t net out to much more.

So it is with great displeasure that I must call this twitter beef a draw.

(Source) – Flying Lotus (artist and musician Steven Ellison) premiered his feature film Kuso at Sundance Film Festival over the weekend and it sounds as though it was received with mixed reactions. In a report from The Verge headlined ‘Kuso is the grossest movie ever made’, it was claimed that at one screening a “large chunk” of the crowd left early and that there was a consistent stream of walkouts up until the film’s final scenes. “Some gross-out films are one-note, but Kuso finds new ways to test viewers’ fortitude,” the reviewer wrote.  “Some folks stuck around after a woman chewed on concrete until her teeth disintegrated, but still peaced out when an alien creature force-yanked a foetus from another woman’s womb (accompanied by a Mortal Kombat sound clip: ‘Get over here!”), then smoked the tiny corpse.” Kuso’s official plot synopsis describes a collection of semi-connected short films that chronicle the lives of the mutated men, women and children of Los Angeles, after an earthquake.Various scenes are said to feature a man having sex with a talking boil on a woman’s neck, genital mutilation, and a doctor, played by George Clinton, who keeps a medicinal cockroach in his anus.

I’ve never been much into these off the grid niche style movies. I don’t really like horror, and these random, snuff-y torture films just don’t appeal to me. Horror movies legitimately scare me. The first time I watched Saw, I had just smoked a blunt and got wayyyyy too deep into it. I ended up pretending to go to the bathroom just so I could take a break. It was fucked up. And when I was a kid, I made the mistake of watching Child’s Play. It gave me nightmares for weeks. I slept with the light on and the door open like a little bitch. It’s extremely embarrassing for a 12 year old to have to endure that pure, unadulterated terror.

Having said that, I think I have to see Kuso. First off, I love FlyLo, so I owe it to him to give his first feature film a shot. For those of you who don’t know anything about FlyLo, he’s one of those abstract producer/rappers. He makes all his own beats, and is a pioneer in the avant garde electronic hip hop genre. Here are a two of my favorite FlyLo tracks…

 

Anyways, back to the film. Whenever something gets the tag “Grossest Ever,” it’s bound to peak the interest of the masses. It’s like 2Girls1Cup. Is there any conceivable reason that any of us watched two girls shitting on each other and eating it? Nope, except that it became somewhat of a cult challenge to see if you could make it through the whole video without turning away.  That’s what’s going to happen with this movie. It’s already got the rep that people have walked out on it at Sundance. Wait until it hits theaters. The internet will be buzzing with people talking about what scene they thought was the worst. Internet tough guys bragging about how they didn’t even think it was that bad. Typcal reddit forum shit.

So as much as I don’t want to see this movie, I have to. It’s my duty as a FlyLo fan, and as someone who wants to get ahead of internet trends. I’m gonna strap on my boots, pull up my pants, bring my airplane-style barf bag, and watch the whole thing from start to finish. Because you all deserve an honest take on the movie, and that’s what guys like me are here for.

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(The Independent) – The massive mobilisation against Donald Trump has united so many; from different backgrounds, different beliefs – even Juggalos are getting involved.  Following the historic Women’s March, Insane Clown Posse have announced they’re launching their own march entitled the ‘Juggalo March on Washington‘, to protest the FBI’s classification of the group as a “loosely organised hybrid gang”. Stating the march is intended to “make a collective statement from the Juggalo Family to the world about what we are and what we are not”, the group state that the gang classification has led to “hundreds if not thousands of people subjected to various forms of discrimination, harassment, and profiling simply for identifying as a Juggalo”.

Reports state Juggalos have, as a result of being listed as “gang-affiliated”, “lost custody of their children, been fired from jobs, [and] denied access into the armed forces”. A recent court case against the FBI and Department of Justice for listing Juggalos as a gang group in their 2011 Gang Task Force report was dismissed, prompting the initiation of an organised march. “We must collectively show them that we truly are a family that is united by a shared love of music and fellowship,” the website states. “We help and support each other like no other so-called ‘fanbase’ ever has in the history of popular culture. We give each other food or water if someone is hungry or thirsty. We lend emotional support to each other in times of sorrow or struggle and we celebrate with each other in times of triumph.”

Power move by the Juggalos hijacking the Women’s March for their own cause. And honestly, I think I can get behind a Juggalo march more than the women’s one last week. The headlines for this are misleading. #JuggaloMarch on Washington makes it seem as if they’re marching to protest against Trump. Not the case, though. They’re marching against the FBI officially classifying them as a gang. So if you’re a Juggalo and you get arrested (let’s say something small like public intoxication), they can put you down as “gang-affiliated.” That’s actually pretty fucked up when you think about it. Juggalos aren’t necessarily bad people. They’re just like you and me. They’re teachers, firemen, farmers, doctors, lawyers, drug mules, police officers, accountants, insurance salesmen. They’re the everyman, and they shouldn’t be considered gang members because they like to listen to ICP and paint their faces. It’s like Fight Club. Being a Juggalo is just a way to blow off some steam and have a break from the every day grind.

I picture this being like the cover to Kendrick Lamar’s album, “To Pimp A Buttefly.”

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All of Kendrick’s boys in front of the White House doing whatever the hell they want. Drinkin 40s, countin stacks, standing over a dead white guy. I think #JuggaloMarch will be something similar to that.

Like this…

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#JuggaloMarch2017 WE OUT HERE!

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Yesterday Mary Tyler Moore died. I used to watch a little bit of her show on Nick At Night growing up, and I always remember being very attracted to her. She was cute as hell. So yesterday I started looking at some pictures of her and it reminded me of a blog I’ve wanted to write for a while.

We all know hot girls are a dime a dozen nowadays. It’s just the way it is. People have gotten hotter over the years. Each year that passes, women’s clothes are made to be sexier and sexier. So naturally, there’s a surplus of smoking hot girls. But back in the day, it was a lot tougher. It wasn’t as easy as opening up your phone and scrolling through an unlimited database of models in bikinis. The best looking women could only be found on the silver screen.

So, I wanted to put together a list of the hottest women previous to 1975. I picked 1975 as a cutoff date because to me, it feels like that’s a solid estimate of when people started to really explore their sexuality in mainstream media. The 60s counterculture surely had it’s moments, but TV still glorified the reserved style of the 50s. Once we got to the mid-70s, girls were expected to dress scantily and be sexy.

I put in the work, I did the research, and I think I’ve come up with a solid list of ten hot girls from the old days…

 

 

 

 

10. Marilyn Monroe

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Starting the list off with some controversy! Most people probably expected her to be a shoe-in for the top 5, but personally (and this is a completely subjective list), I find her to be mediocrely hot, even for her time. Her high-profile skank life definitely adds to her allure, but when researching for this list, I found a clear nine girls more attractive than her. I’m definitely a fan of brunettes over blondes, so that probably played into it. The fact that her and Monica Lewinsky get mentioned in the same breath as the most famous presidential side-pieces is an insult to Marilyn. JFK definitely won the battle over Billy Boy on that one. She’s an all-timer for sure, but she just barely cracks my top 10.

 

9. Jane Russell

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Had I heard of Jane Russell before researching this list? No. But I know who she is now, and she oozes sex appeal. She’s got that look in her eyes at all times that says, “Let’s fuck.” A smooth, sultry, stacked brunette with sexy eyes. Not much more  you can ask for in a woman. Plus, she co-starred with Marilyn Monroe in “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.” I can’t imagine the type of partying her and Marilyn did in Hollywood during the 50s and 60s. Well actually, I can imagine it. And I’m imagining some pretty wild stuff going down at the Roosevelt Hotel involving these two and some loose fruit.

 

8. Cleopatra

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Ok ok. So maybe nobody knows what Cleopatra actually looked like. But I’ve never seen a representation of her that isn’t super exotic and hot. And in terms of historic significance, nobody else on this list can come close to matching her. She was the last pharaoh of Egypt before it was absorbed into the Roman Empire. She had a kid with Julius Caesar, then two more with Mark Antony. So she was getting around. She reminds me of Selena Myer in VEEP. A strong, powerful woman who still enjoys getting freaky. She was the inspiration for four feature films, an opera, and a play by a fella named Bill Shakespeare. Quite the list of post mortum accomplishments.

Plus…every time I think of Cleopatra, I think of Olivia Wilde in Year One…

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7. Pam Grier

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Gotta show some love to the sisters. Pam Grier was the OG Beyonce. She was a foxxx. For all of you white guys who aren’t that into black girls, I dare you take one hard look at Pam and tell me she’s not extremely sexy. She justtttt squeezed in the pre-1975 timeframe I set, with the majority of her fame coming in the late 70s and 80s. Her bodacious bod is hard to ignore, and the fact that she did a topless scene just confirms that they’re real, and they’re spectacular. Pam Grier held it down for black chicks when they were just starting to come into the mainstream. Respeck (Ali G voice).

 

6. Jane Fonda

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Jane Fonda is the type of woman who would be just as hot now as she was back in the day. Her beauty translates to any time period. She’s just a straight up good looking lady. She has the cute/wholesome look like in the top picture. But all it takes is dying her hair a little darker, wearing black, and switching up her facial expression a little and you get a seductress like in the last picture. AND she can rock short hair, which is always a huge plus. Extra points for Jane there.

 

5. Grace Kelly

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Grace Kelly 18 - c. 1953

Man, Grace Kelly just has “The Look.” That sort of open mouth half smile that girls do now? Seems like Grace beat them to the punch by 60 years. She doesn’t have any risque pictures that I could find, which in an odd way is a huge turn on. She’s all class. Just an all around stunning beauty.

 

4. Elizabeth Taylor

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Liz Taylor. It’s a name I think a lot of us knew growing up because of her beauty products (“dude you’re so gay you know the name of a beauty product”). But I never knew who the real Liz Taylor was. Well, turns out she was one of the best looking women of all time. She staked her claim as the real British Invasion far before The Beatles did in the 60s. And apparently she was a badass business women, too. So combine the acting, the business, and the all-time beauty, and you’ve got yourself one hell of a woman. Obviously her eyes are insanely sexy, but that look she’s giving in the second pic with the bikini? Now THAT is talent. So cute. So sexy. So hot. Want to touch the hiney.

 

3. Raquel Welsch

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Stunning. Raquel Welsch was Cindy Crawford before Cindy Crawford. I mean, the last picture is her high school yearbook picture. That’s an insanely hot 18 year old (I wrote that sentence a few different ways before settling on that being the least creepy/illegal). Apparently Ms. Welsch liked posing in her bikini, which is awesome because she’s got a rockin’ body. She has that slightly exotic look to her. Like you don’t know if she’s spanish, persian, or just a white chick with a nice tan. Ethnic confusion is a recipe for hotness 100% of the time. It was then and it still is now. Plus, later in her life she was in an amazing episode of Seinfeld. I’d certainly pay to watch her and Elaine catfight in real life, you know, because they could end up kissing.

 

2. Audrey Hepburn

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While writing this blog, I asked three different people to name some hot girls from the old days. Every one of them said Audrey Hepburn first. Maybe that’s because she was the most famous actress of her time, but I’d like to think it’s because of her undeniable good looks. She’d be a Victoria’s Secret model if she was around today. Everything about her face looks like it was pieced together by an artist. Cute as a button and still gorgeous like a model. She’s definitely one of those girls who never wore makeup. No need when you have a perfect face. Audrey is a unanimous first ballot Hall of Famer.

 

1.Sophia Loren

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And my pick for number one hottest woman pre-1975 is Sophia Loren. Jaw droppingly sexy. Mila Kunis face with Sofia Vergara body. Lethal combo. She could stand there playing Ball in a Cup and it’d put asses in the seats. She has no flaws. You’re a face guy? Try finding a flaw on that mug. Eyes? Uhh, I’m intimidated by her looking into the camera. Lips? Plump and juicy. Hair? Pick a style, she’ll crush it. Body? Get a load of the fun bags on that hozehound. She has no weakness. The perfect player. 100 rating in every category. I tried and tried to find another person to put in this spot. I wanted to find a reason to remove Sophia from the throne. But it was pointless. She’s the GOAT of pre-1975 women. Bow to the queen.

I just leave you all with one word of advice…

Do NOT google “Sophia Loren,” or any of these beautiful women just by their first and last name. You MUST do it this way: “Sophia Loren young.” If you forget the “young” part, there will be dire, depressing consequences. This is your one warning. Safe searching, everyone.

To give you a little context of where we’re at as a society, this guy’s YouTube channel has 450,000 subscribers. Four-Hundred-Fifty THOUSAND! Literally all he does is sing “All Star” over a bunch of other songs. But I guess that’s the beauty of it. Something so simple, yet so effective. See, this is what all the try-hard young YouTubers don’t get. It’s not necessarily about shock value or production quality. Just do one thing and do it great. Jon Sudano isn’t trying to convince you that he’s a real artist or comedian. He’s not interjecting his videos with some dialogue of his own to show you he’s a funny guy. Nope, he just starts the track and dives right into it. So with that in mind, I’m just going to post some of my personal favorites from him.

FAVORITE – Radiohead “Creep”:

 

 

 

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The Big Lead released a “Top 30 most Powerful Talents In Sports Media Today” list and I wanted to give my take on it. Overall, I thought they did a pretty good job in recognizing who actually has their finger on the pulse of the 18- 34 male demo, and not just compiling a list of aged baseball writers and giving the number one spot to Mike Francesca.

While I don’t have any major beefs with their list, this is basically just an excuse for me to let y’all know who’s in my starting rotation and who’s in the dog house. So let’s dive in…

30. Matthew Berry

Highest paid fantasy nerd in media. Good for him. I follow him on Twitter, and 100% always base a late round draft pick on an article I read by him half hour before the draft (Christine Michael…great advice, dork).

29. Charissa Thompson

Seems like an overall cool girl. Don’t find her very attractive. I’m team Erin Andrews for life.

28. Clay Travis

Reminds me of Dane Cook. Over the top douche simply for the sake of being an over the top douche. Don’t really pay attention to him much. Plus his name is “Clay Travis.” Two of the most wealthy frat bro names you could imagine.

27. Bomani Jones

DWEEB! Scrawny little dweeb who race-baits every topic and/or person he comes in contact with. Tries to give his voice a little ‘hood twang that he didn’t have when he first started appearing on Around the Horn. Definitely a guy who stakes his relevance in clicks more than clout.

26. THE BARSTOOL TEAM

The biggest slice of my media consumption pie comes from Barstool. Been loyal since 2007 and will never change. Shit, most of the reason I’m writing this blog is to hopefully get their attention and get a job writing for them. As it stands right now, Barstool is life, and I’d like to make it work too. HEY GUYS READ THIS BLOG.

25. Paul Finebaum

I’m not the biggest college football guy so I don’t really have an opinion on Finebaum. I just know he has that old lady Bama fan that calls and has amazing sound bites, so that’s pretty hilarious. Also, heard him on Pardon My Take and I love that he said he’s picked Alabama to win in every game for like, 3 straight years. Love the honest homerism.

24. Mike Francesa

Living legend. Consistently ranks as one of the most influential sports radio voices. He’ll always be relevant until he decides to hang em up. Personally, since I don’t like in New York I don’t really listen to him. But he’s got my “ruspeck” for sure.

23. Jay Glazer

I just love how much of a little tough guy he is. Most beat reporters are squids but Jay owns a gym in West Hollywood and works out with The Rock. It’s one of the strangest work/life combinations I can think of. Dude trains NFL players in MMA in the offseason and cucks nerds like Shefter during the season.  Quite the paradox.

22. Jemele Hill and Michael Smith

Meh. I liked both of these people back when they would come on First Take before it became a circus. Michael Smith especially. But they both fell into the ESPN trap of race-baiting hot takes and being an over the top personality rather than a reasonable, intelligent broadcaster. Jemele Hill is like the Taraji P. Henderson of sports media.

21. Jalen Rose

Jalen’s alright. For the most part he tells it how it is. He was kind of a punk borderline star player during his career and that’s somewhat how I still see him. Sometimes he will go over the top ESPN-style, but overall I’d give Jalen a 7.5/10. He’s cool in my book.

20. Dan Patrick

Still has some of the best pipes in broadcasting. Love that low, bassy voice he has. I used to wake up early enough to catch the last 15-20 minutes of his show, which was usually pretty funny. He’s got a solid crew and Dan seems to have cart blanche from ownership to kind of do whatever he wants. Hearing Dan always makes me reminisce about the good ol’ days of Sportscenter, when every anchor was money in their own unique way.

19. Mike Greenberg

Greenieeeee. I don’t really mind him all that much, but that’s partially because I stopped listening/watching Mike & Mike like, 6 years ago. However, I don’t think I could stand listening to him talk solo for an entire show, which I think most people would agree with. We’ll see how that whole thing works out.

18. Michelle Beadle

Man, I was so on board with her when she first started at ESPN. She was the perfect blend of cute and sexy. She’s kind of gone off the rails IMO commenting on social issues, but that’s her prerogative. If she’s got issues she feels strongly about, fine by me. I will say that SportsNation has gone the way of First Take (and pretty much all ESPN programming), so she’s taking the brunt of my displeasure by being the host.

17. Al Michaels and Chris Collinsworth

Love Al. Always finds a way to make a Sunday Night Blowout slightly fun by updating everyone on the over/under and the spread. Collinsworth has a pretty good knack for calling plays before they happen, so he has my respect, even though he has one of the more uniquely annoying voices I’ve heard in a while. They called the Pats/Seahawks SuperBowl so they have a special place carved out in my memory.

16. Jay Bilas

I’ve liked Jay for a long time, but sometimes his over the top “I’m the cool guy who fights for players rights” schtick gets a little old. I won’t hold that against him too much though because he had to sit next to Dicky V for every major college basketball game throughout most of his career. That must have been absolutely brutal trying to get a reasonable thought in the mix.

15. Kirk Herbstreit

Tough to not like Kirk. Just seems like a relatively low-key cool guy who does his job well. He almost came off the rails a bit during the whole Christian McCaffrey/Leonard Fournette sitting out their bowl games controversy, but I understood his take. He just couldn’t see it from a future-NFL star perspective because he sucked at OSU.

14. Bill Simmons

Grew up on Bill’s long ass mailbag articles. Loved them. Read his Book of Basketball, which was also amazing. Follow him on Twitter. But he needs to bring it back to his roots of internet writing and leave the TV stuff out of it. This isn’t a hot take by any means, as most sports fans and network executives have commonly agreed that he sucks on air. But I like Simmons. I’m not #TeamSimmons, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like the guy.

13. Dan Le Batard

When The Herd left ESPN Radio and was replaced by Le Batard, I tried giving it a shot on my morning commute. I really, really did. But fuck, he’s a squealy, annoying little bitch if I’ve ever heard one. And it always sounds like he’s had a few mimosas before going on air. His speech is a little slurred and he breaks out into laughter far too often. Also, the whole “Papi” schtick with his dad…what executive is going to step in and ax that shit? It’s just not good. Plain and simple. There’s nothing entertaining or funny about having your dad who speaks broken english on air. If he was good at sports broadcasting, he’d have gotten a job in sports broadcasting.

12. Peter King

MMQB is pretty good. I like his approach where he waits until Sunday night after all the games and writes about what he feels is the biggest takeaway from the weekend. He’s also a pretty chill dude. Comes on The Herd once a week and has solid insight. He’s a recurring guest on PMT which means he generally “gets it.” I’m down with PK.

11. Mike Florio

Pretty straight to the point NFL news guy. Not much else. Idk, Florio is cool I guess. Keep doin you man.

10. Charles Barkley

If I were to sit here and write about how I don’t like Charles Barkley, I’d probably be the first person to do so who isn’t just click baiting. Nope, I love Chuck. Loved him as a player, love him on TNT. He is what he is, says what he thinks, and doesn’t apologize for any of it. Still amazed at some of the things he gets away with saying. The “San Antonio has ugly women” comment is one of my all time favorites. Not much else to say about Barkley. If you don’t like him, you probably don’t like fun.

9. Jon Gruden

He realllllllllyyyyy missed Mike Tirico this year. You could just tell there was a lack of chemistry between him and Sean McDonough, which sucks because Sean has a special place in the hearts of all Red Sox fans. This could potentially be a hot take, but I prefer listening to Collinsworth over Gruden. I used to love when he went off the rails, but it’s kind of old to me now. I’d rather just solid football analysis and not gushing over every sub-par QBs arm talent. I seriously don’t think there’s a QB in the league that Gruden doesn’t find to be “special.” I definitely like some organic humor injected into my broadcast, but Gruden is a little over the top for me sometimes.

8. Adam Schefter

Can’t fault the guy’s work. He is THE person for breaking NFL news. If you don’t follow him on Twitter, you’re probably not a fan of the NFL. Also, his complete disregard for being on-air and always having his phone out is pretty hilarious. Breaking stories is far more important to him than good television.

7. Scott Van Pelt

Sometimes I feel bad for SVP. He’s stuck at ESPN holding the network down as one of the only remaining hosts who hasn’t changed his style at all. I feel like he’s the lone survivor of a sunken ship, stuck on an island by himself. But then I remember that the ship didn’t actually sink and he’s on fuckin Saint Barts with a butt ton of money and booze eating king crab for dinner every night.

6. Joe Buck

He’s one of my favorite play by play guys. I don’t understand why so many people hate on him. He does his job and does it well. And the excerpts and interviews I’ve heard from him about his book make me realize he’s actually not as straight-laced as I pictured him. He’s just an average dude who happened to have lucked into a birthright of a broadcast career. He also went to a ton of strip clubs with his dad which I’m not sure if I find that hilarious or disturbing.

5. Michael Wilbon and Tony Kornheiser

PTI is still a solid watch, which is saying something considering how the rest of the programming around them has so drastically dropped off. I’ve always found Tony to be pretty funny, and Wilbon is for sure a smart guy who tames his hot-takes for the most part. I’m pretty neutral on these two. Just curious how much longer PTI has with them as the hosts. They’re both getting kind of old. But the image of them as two guys in their 80s arguing about Lebron James’ son’s legacy vs. his father’s kind of makes me chuckle.

4. Adrian Wojnarowski

Hell. Yeah. If you like the NBA, Wojo is the guy to follow. The Verticle is the best basketball site on the internet. He’s the Schefter of the NBA, but with a little more personality and opinion. There’s not much else I can say about the guy. He’s really good at his job and he doesn’t do anything at all to annoy me. #TeamWojo for sure.

3. Skip Bayless

At this point if you don’t realize that Skip is trolling the world, then I’ve got a beachside property in Nebraska that you should for sure look at. Things I love about Skip include: his undying love for the Pats and Spurs, his consistent hate for Lebron, and the fact that he follows ZERO people on Twitter. That last part might be my favorite. In a world where celebrities always fuck up on Twitter by engaging with trolls, the ultimate troll in sports media doesn’t follow a single soul. He just tweets his own trolling thoughts, and that’s it. It’s a genius move. I wonder if he came up with that strategy or if there was someone behind the scenes with that idea. Either way, Skip’s love for the Pats is enough to make me like him.

2. Colin Cowherd

I listen to The Herd every day on the way to work. It started out as one of those love/hate things, where I’d listen because I couldn’t stand him and had to hear what he said. But I’ve grown to really respect Cowherd. He doesn’t troll (for the most part), and I think he truly believes in what he says. The Herd is a nice blend of sports and business. I will say that he sometimes doesn’t call his guests out on their bullshit. Like whenever Ray Lewis or Cris Carter come on, he never brings up any of the bullshit they were both involved in throughout their careers, even if they’re talking about a current player involved in the same diva/criminal type stuff. But the ONE thing that really ruffles my feathers about Cowherd is his consistent ball gargling of Andrew Luck. He refuses to criticize him for ANYTHING. Like, dude do you watch the games every Sunday? Andrew Luck throws a fuck ton of picks and the Colts blow. I’m glad they finally fired Ryan Grigson. Hopefully they can get some of that oh-so elusive talent on their O-line and defense so we can see if Luck is actually great or if he is just a mediocre QB with a huge upside. Anyways…I got off track there. Yes, I’m a big fan of Colin Cowherd.

1. Stephen A. Smith

I was really hoping he wouldn’t be number 1, but I can see that was a pipe dream. Look, I respect Stephen A. He’s put in a lot of work, and he’s smart as hell. He’s earned his spot as one of the leading voices in sports media. But when 90% of your schtick has become BEING THE LOUDER PERSON instead of presenting a solid argument, I don’t think you should be number 1. Sometimes Stephen A has great points. He had one of the all-time great monologues on racism in America that I’ve ever heard (see below). He can be extremely eloquent with his words when he’s not screaming and yelling. But the good Stephen A only comes out to the public 2-3 times a  year. What we usually get is a man who knows that he has the more powerful voice (literally), and he’s very good at not breaking his train of thought when other people try to interrupt him. He knows that “going off” on a topic will give him those social media shares, which in turn will boost his popularity. He just moved to ESPN LA Radio and I happened to catch him interview Kobe Bryant. It was cringeworthy. He puts on this fake swagger personality and basically acts like he’s the prosecutor in a high-profile murder case. If we got a more balanced Stephen A, combining stuff like the video below with the occasional rant, he’d be more tolerable. But for now, I can’t get on board with him. He’s just a character, which is what sports media is turning into.

 

 

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(Source) – Just two days after President Trump was sworn into office, Kellyanne Conway took it upon herself to bizarrely rename “lies” as “alternative facts.” Tonight, a Philadelphia TV anchor said in response that Conway is “good at bullshit” live on air, but that hasn’t stopped George Orwell’s 1984 from skyrocketing in sales after her interview. 

On Sunday, Conway told Meet the Press’s Chuck Todd that press secretary Sean Spicer gave “alternative facts” to the media—a statement which Fox 29 Philadelphia morning show anchor Mike Jerrick did not necessarily agree with. “She’s good at bullshit!” he blurted out, to the laughter of his co-anchors. (Well, most of them.)

However, after people have called Conway’s interview heavy in “Orwellian” language, which is perhaps what led to the spike in Orwell’s dystopian classic. As Huffington Post noted, one edition of the book was the second-highest spot on Amazon’s best-seller’s list on Tuesday afternoon.

Lol yes. This is SO 1984. Alternative Facts? More like DoubleThink! This is so incredibly spot on, I honestly feel bad for you if you haven’t read the book. 1984 is like, happening right now. KellyAnne Conway IS O’Brien. Soon enough Trump’s face will be plastered all over the country staring us down like Big Brother. You best get down with the Party (Disturbed voice), or prepare to vanish. Ugh, if only people educated themselves with some classic literature for once instead of scrolling through their Twitter timelines, then maybe we would have seen the parallels and stopped this atrocity from happening.

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Yeah, I pretty much just posted this article so I could brag that I read 1984 within the last 9 months. I read about one book per year, and last year’s was 1984. So if Trump does start turning the US into some Oceana type state, then guess what? Us learned folk are several steps ahead of all the simpletons out there who didn’t read the book. First thing I’m doing is memorizing the Party slogan, mastering DoubleThink, and making my way to D.C. to try and become a high ranking Party member in the Ministry of Love. Party members are the only people with enough self control to still have sex and not have it affect their loyalty to the Party. You wanna live prosperous in Trump’s America? Learn how to understand the applicable usage of #AlternativeFacts and maybe, just maybe, you’ll get laid. So say it with me now…

War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is strength.

lebroncry

“We’re not better than last year, from a personnel standpoint … we’re a top-heavy team. I just hope that we’re not satisfied as an organization,” James said of winning the franchise’s first-ever NBA championship, according to the Akron Beacon Journal’s Jason Lloyd. “I just hope we not satisfied. How hard it was to do that s***. I just hope we’re not satisfied.”

James added following the 124-122 loss in New Orleans, via ESPN.com’s Dave McMenamin: “It’s like when you don’t have bodies. It’s tough. The f***ing grind of the regular season. We’re a top-heavy team. We have a top-heavy team. We top-heavy as s***. It’s me, [Irving], [Love]. It’s top-heavy.”

There’s not an athlete in my lifetime that has made my blood boil more than Lebron James. In addition to being a Celtics fan, I hate him for all the same reasons everyone else does. The dramatics, the flopping, The Decision, “Not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4…,” the self-appointed “King” nickname, the anti-clutch gene, the Crab Dribble, etc. All of that is pretty beat to death at this point, so I’m not gonna go any further with the classic Lebron hate.

Instead, I actually want to give Lebron credit. For once in my life I agree with what he’s saying. To clarify, I don’t agree with his take that the Cavs necessarily need another playmaker. No, you’re the best player in the league, with a top 10 and a top 25 guy on each side. When you’re Lebron James you shouldn’t need more than that. But I understand what he’s doing, and I think it’s the right move at the right time. The Cavs are slumping hard, it’s almost the All-Star break, and he’s starting to see that the entire team, ownership, and fan base is basically saying, “Eh fuck it. We got our title.”

Lebron is a lot of things – a drama queen, a narcissist, a pussy – but he’s definitely not an idiot. He realizes that he has maybe four solid years as a top 3 player in the league left before he’ll start declining. And now that he’s achieved the main goal of bringing Cleveland their first championship, he’s turned his attention on the ultimate career goal of tying MJ with six rings. You can pretty much pencil the Cavs into the finals for the next three years, so he wants to capitalize on all of those opportunities. This little freakout to the media was just his way of getting the Cavs franchise and the city of Cleveland’s attention and smacking them into shape. Now that he’s given them what they so desperately wanted, it’s time for everyone else to step up and help him achieve legendary status with his remaining years in the league.

Again, not a Lebron guy by any means. But he’s got a point here, and while some people will call this classic Lebron being a baby, I see his long-term thought process.

Side note: googled “Lebron James.”

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Then google’d Michael Jordan…

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Hmmmmm…

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I take back everything I just said.

Props to Daniuhl Alexanduhr for answering the bell in his community’s time of crisis. In between all of those “uhhhs”(I counted 14) and stutters, there was actually a fairly brave story of attempted heroism. If you didn’t catch it, he said him and two other people went over to try and save someone on Alcorn Street, but “it didn’t even work out.” Pretty great way to describe something as dire as a neighbor dying by way of natural disaster. Imagine if people started using that as a defense in court?

“My client did not murder Jane Doe. He was attempting to keep her alive, but it didn’t work out.” 

That really softens the blow. If I’m on a jury and I hear that, I’m dropping the charges down to manslaughter. I mean it sounds like the guy was trying to do the right thing, but an unusual set of circumstances led to an unfortunate outcome. Mistakes happen, because sometimes things don’t work out.

Also, I can’t tell if Daniuhl is happy or upset with his neighborhood and how they’re reacting to the crisis. Did anyone catch this quote towards the end?

“You got families our here, and you know, folks got families and stuff man. I’m talkin bout ain’t nobody helpin nobody or nothin. Everybody helpin each other, you feel me?”

So nobody is helping anybody, but everybody is helping each other. Damn, that’s poetic. Like something from a utopian society right before everyone drinks the kool-aid.  Maybe my pre-conceptions about southern communities like Hattiesburg, Mississippi are misplaced. I don’t know anyone who has actually gone down to those states besides people who were born and raised there. So perhaps there’s a surreal utopian lifestyle in the deep south that I’m not aware of, and Nick Saban is the Jim Jones/David Koresh figure. I know nothing absolutely nothing about the deep south, so I’d buy it.

And if Daniuhl wants to parlay this interview into a rap career, I don’t see why not. Mumble rap is what’s hot in the streets now, and he’s certainly got the indiscernible nonsense part down. Here I’ll even help him out by producing his first track…

Banger.