Hulk Hogan Wants Chris Hemsworth AKA Thor To Play Him In His Biopic

Posted: August 19, 2013 in Movies

Vs.

https://realjbicks.files.wordpress.com/2013/08/063f7-chrishemsworthshirtlessinthorworkoutmuscle.jpg

(LAist) Who could possibly play wrestler Hulk Hogan in an upcoming biopic? The wrestler nominates hunky Thor star Chris Hemsworth for the job. In a recent interview with Cape Breton News, Hogan admitted he’d once considered his son, Nick, for the role (as he’d told TMZ) but now wants someone with acting experience. “I said [Nick would] be perfect for it but I think we need a serious, serious actor that knows what he’s doing. You know who I thought would be good? That guy that did that action movie, Thor [Chris Hemsworth],” the 60-year-old wrestler said. While we love us some Thor, we’ve never thought of the elder Hemsworth brother as a “serious, serious actor,” major brooding about his wayward half-brother, Loki aside. Hemsworth certainly has the buff bod for the job, but do you really want to deface that mug with Hogan’s trademark fu manchu?

Gotta love the move by the Hulk here. Just calling out the most shredded actor on the big screen to play him in his biopic. You can’t really argue with him either. I mean look at Hulk in that top picture. Rip city, population him. So it’s only natural that he wants someone who can curl 135 without breaking a sweat to get the role. Really look at the guns on Thor. Is it just me or are they too big for the rest of his body? Like, if you’re gonna have arms and shoulders like that, you need to focus on your traps a little more. It just looks a little awkward to me. Like he’s Spongebob with blow up arms or something.

But also, this got me thinking about something. When my life is winding down and studios are pitching the idea of a biopic to me, who am I gonna want to play the man, myth and legend that is John Bicknell? Since I can’t see into the future and pick out the best actor 50 years from now, we have to use current ones. So here’s who I think would have a shot at portraying me the best.

– Joel David Moore AKA J.P. from Grandma’s Boy

He’d be perfect for teenage Bick. Skinny, big nose, goofy, but a heart of gold. Mix in a little acne and I think we’ve got a match.

 

– One of the guys from Property Brothers.

This guy needs to play college/20’s Bick. Tall, dark and handsome with a splash of athleticism and intelligence mixed in. An absolute lady killer. Finally grew into his body after years of awkward skinniness. He wasn’t made to flip properties, he was made to play me in my biopic.

– Pierce Brosnan

I have a feeling I’m gonna be a DILF, and eventually a GILF. So Pierce Brosnan seems like a good fit for post-40 Bick. He’s not over the top good looking but he’s still got sweet hair and that James Bond swagger. I wanted to go with Clooney but I’m a realist. He’s too short to play me. Pierce gets the nod.

Honorable mentions: Justin Timberlake, Channing Tatum, Matthew McConaughey (for when I eventually give away all of my possessions and live in a shack in Venice), Ryan Anderson (only during the basketball scenes), Ryan Reynolds, Ryan Gosling, Zac Effron, and Bradley Cooper. Unfortunately none of them were good looking enough to make the cut.

 

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