Not Going To The OC Fair Is A Decision That’ll Haunt Me Until Next Year’s Fair

Posted: August 15, 2013 in Random Thought

(After you’re all done jerking off to that food porn, come read my blog.)

(NBCLA) What do 100,000 deep-fried Oreos look like when laid end-to-end? And could they circle the OC Fair & Event Center twice or maybe even three times? And how fast would it take a throng of sweet-loving fair goers to consume them all? That is one deep imponderable of the annual food-and-everything-else update from the nice people of the OC Fair. The fair’s wrap-up report is always a fascinating one, because it tells, by the numbers, what attendees ate, what they did, and how often they did it. Fair goer, know thyself. About 100,000 deep-fried Oreo cookies were consumed during the July 12 through Aug. 11 Costa Mesa-based spectacular, along with 25,000 balls of deep-fried cookie dough. Chicken Charlie’s is, of course, the famous purveyor of both colorful desserts. Bacon A-Fair went through 20,000 pounds of bacon. Nope, the bacon wasn’t served in strip form, like it might be at any other restaurant; it was wrapped around turkey legs and sprinkled on chocolate peanut butter bananas. And speaking of turkey legs — it isn’t every day we get to type that phrase, by the by — Juicy’s sold over 75,000 of ’em, the smoked sort. Yep, it does feel like someone is holding a turkey leg just about everywhere you turn at the fair, and that’s because they are. Biggy’s Meat Market moved 4,500 Big Ribs, a very large number as well, but the smoked turkey leg remains the carnivore-attracting king of Costa Mesa. As for the sweet beasties in the petting zoo? They consumed 2,300 pounds of food pellets over the course of the fair. You’ll consider that a weighty number when you consider this: Those are the pellets the animals are eating out of kids’ hands. Finally, on the non-food front: 1,374,579 people attended the 2013 Orange County Fair. The fair reports that that was the second largest attendance record in its history. Puts that 75,000 turkey leg amount right in perspective, doesn’t it?

I’m not lying to you when I say missing this fair is a top 5 regret in my life. I don’t think I’ve ever said this before, but I’ve always thought it; my life would be complete if I could always walk around eating a big turkey leg. Happiness on a stick. It would be my own personal heaven. Like, “Oh hey what’s up bros what are you doing? Me? Oh nothing just having a snack.” Turkey leg in everyone’s faces. Dude’s would want to be me, chicks would want to be with me. Nothing says Alpha-Male like munching on a turkey leg at the bar. Might get some funny looks but believe me, they’re jealous on the inside.

But aside from the 75,000 smoked turkey legs I missed out on, there were some other badass concoctions at the OC Fair. Deep fried oreos? Yes please. Makes me think the cream would be somewhat like the inside of a marshmellow after you toast it over a fire. Deep fried cookie dough? Psh, anything cookie dough is a must. Sometimes I used to just eat the whole sleeve of toll house cookie dough without baking the cookies. Why ruin a good thing? The dough was the best part. Bacon is bomb, don’t get me wrong. But we’re in the midst of a bacon craze and I think it’s a bit overrated. Call me crazy, but I prefer sausage-egg n cheese over bacon-egg n cheese. If you pass on bacon people look at you like you just praised Hitler. So if I was at this fair I would have ordered a plain turkey leg, hold the bacon. And finally 4,500 ribs. I feel like ribs don’t get the respect they deserve as an awesome meal. Sure, they’re messy as fuck, but sometimes you gotta get dirty to find the hidden gems in life. Ribs definitely fall into that category. Ripping into that meat until you’re holding a dry bone is one of the best dinner experiences.

It’s pretty ridiculous how much my stomach started growling over the five minutes writing this blog. If I don’t have a turkey leg in my hand by the end of the day I might cry myself to sleep tonight.

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