Study Finds That Being In A Long Term Relationship Is The Number One Reason For Weight Gain

Posted: August 8, 2013 in Random Thought

(DM) From romantic dinners a deux to cosy evenings spent watching TV and munching popcorn on the sofa, spending time with your other half can be a calorific affair. Now, a new survey has revealed that being in a relationship is the single biggest cause of weight gain – superseding more obvious causes such as overindulging on holiday or comfort eating after a break-up. 62 per cent of those polled said they gained up to one stone after committing to a relationship, with just under three quarters saying they thought their partner had gained weight too.Two thirds of the couples surveyed said that they have put on weight together. Portion size is the main cause of the problem for women, with more than half of the women asked saying they regularly match what their male partner eats. As a result, 56 per cent said this meant they ate portions of a far larger size than normal, which contributed to them piling on the pounds. Couples’ activities also contribute to weight gain with 30 per cent saying that they spend most of their quality time curled up in front of the TV, and 21 per cent saying they spend most of their time together eating at home. Another 20 per cent said that eating out as a couple formed the bulk of their time spent together. But although food forms a major part of time spent as a couple, more than a quarter of those surveyed said they would like to be healthier, with over a tenth attempting to cut down on the amount they eat and drink with their partner. Along with spending more time eating together, the survey also found that standards of behaviour get more relaxed the longer a couple is together. Just under half of couples said they burp in front of their partner while a quarter of women polled said they shave their legs and armpits less once they feel settled in a relationship. 25 per cent said they were comfortable enough to pass wind in front of a partner. 

Umm…duh. Of course couples get fat together. That’s why they have those fat face apps that show what you’ll look like 20 years from now. Odds are you’re gonna get involved in a long term relationship that will eventually end in marriage. And once you know who you’re marrying, what’s the point anymore? Just like Costanza wearing sweat pants showed that he gave up on life, having that wedding band on your finger shows that your days of trying to look good and fit are over. The pros and cons just don’t add up. Do you really need to look good for the one person who’s contractually obligated to have sex with you once in a blue moon? Nah. Exercise three times a week to look good for a 5 minute performance seems a little off balance. When you’re in a long term relationship, your idea of a “night out” is going to a 2-star Italian restaurant and inhaling your meals so you can get the chocolate volcano cake for dessert and fight over who gets the last bite. Then you go home, rub your fat rolls together and call it sex before someone has to get out of bed and take a shit.

I will say though, out here in California there’s a major couples fitness craze. I’m from the east coast where if you don’t have the beginning stages of a beer belly by age 25 then you’re behind the eight ball. But out here couples legitimately work out together. I jog Runyon three times a week (yeah, that’s right) and I’ve never seen so many in shape couples pushing each other to exercise as I do there. And the fat people aren’t even that fat. They’re LA fat, which is east coast normal. Really makes me think about all those long winter nights back east where I sat at home with my ex and ordered two large pizzas with a side of mozz sticks.

And the last part of the article says that 50% of couple burp in front of each other and 25% fart. Hey, if I have to rip ass I’m gonna rip ass. Don’t care if we’re cuddling under the covers or what. Who are you to tell me to hold my beef in? I don’t even have a problem with my girlfriend doing it as long as they’re small, petite girly farts. As long as my first reaction isn’t, “Whoa, nice one,” then I think we should be good.


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