“Fifty Shades Of Gray” Is The Most Requested Book Among Prisoners At Guantanamo Bay

Posted: July 31, 2013 in Random Thought

Representative Jim Moran of Virginia was among congressional delegates who last week toured Camp 7, the top-security facility that holds more than a dozen “high-value” prisoners, including five men charged with plotting the September 11 attacks on the United States in 2001. “Rather than the Koran, the book that is requested most by the (Camp 7 detainees) is ‘Fifty Shades of Grey.’ They’ve read the entire series,” Moran said in an account first published by the Huffington Post and confirmed to Reuters by Moran’s spokeswoman. “I guess there’s not much going on, these guys are going nowhere, so what the hell.” Moran, who favors shutting down the detention camp on the Guantanamo Bay U.S. Naval Base, said he learned about the book’s popularity while touring Camp 7 with the base commander and deputy base commander, the head medical official and the officer in charge of that camp. A military spokesman said he could not discuss details of Camp 7, whose inmates were held in secret CIA prisons before being sent to Guantanamo in 2006. “We don’t discuss our high-value detainees except in the most generic terms. Further, we do not discuss the assertions made by members of Congress,” said Lieutenant Colonel Samuel House, a spokesman for the prison camp. Overall Guantanamo holds 166 men rounded up in counter-terrorism operations. Some prisoners are on a hunger strike to protest their indefinite detention. Journalists are not allowed to visit that part of the detention camp but can tour the other prisons and the library that provides books, magazines and DVDs to all 166 captives. During a visit last week, Reuters saw an eclectic mix of books in numerous languages, from religious tomes to Star Trek novelizations, Agatha Christie mysteries, stress reduction workbooks and the Greek classic “The Odyssey.” Also on offer is “The Hunger Games,” according to a librarian who goes by the nickname Zorro. “We have the movie and the book too,” he said. Guantanamo librarians have said in the past that they screen reading material for sexual content, even blacking out photos of scantily clad women in the advertisements in sports magazines.

If you told me two years ago to write a book detailing all the fucked up bondage-themed sexual fantasies I could think of doing to a bunch of women, I would have said, “Why?” you know, just to be a dick. But then if you told me there was millions upon millions of dollars to be made from this book, and that middle aged women who are too scared to watch porn/terrorists being held in G-Bay would all be getting their rocks off to this book, I’d have gone to the deepest depths of internet porn and snuff videos to find the most extreme shit possible. And I’ll tell you what, I’d write it at an even worse writing level than the original. People said that shit was written at an 8th grade level. You’re not maximizing your audience that way. You need to write at a 3rd grade level so literally anyone literal can read it.

But really I’m starting to see more and more stories coming out that make me think US prison straight up just ain’t that bad. You got these terrorists watching Jennifer Lawrence’s titties bounce in Hunger Games, fucking marathon bomber #2 getting chicken and rice, Aaron Hernandez getting pineapple. You ever see what a Russian prison is like? Check out Black Dolphin Prison is Russia and see how they’re living over there. You don’t get any pineapple or movies there. You get straight hell.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s