Asian’s Caught Smuggling Gold In Their Assholes

Posted: July 24, 2013 in Random Thought

Three Million Dollars in Gold Allegedly Smuggled in People's Buttholes

Three Million Dollars in Gold Allegedly Smuggled in People's Buttholes

Folks smuggling things in their bottoms is nothing new. Bungholes have seen this kind of action for years. But this latest crackdown shows how alleged criminals almost got away with nearly $3 million in gold. According news site Xinhua, South Korean custom officials have nabbed nine Taiwanese nationals for allegedly smuggling 134 pounds (60.75 kilograms) worth of gold, hiding it in the one place they knew they could really hide something in: their asses. The value of the gold is around $3 million dollars. You can see the confiscated contraband above. Never have plastic gloves been more necessary. The smuggling operation is accused of moving the gold through Gimhae International Airport in Busan, South Korea on numerous times. The man at the operation’s backend is apparently a 47 year-old Taiwanese man surnamed “Zhou”. Reportedly, Zhou would recruit mules by asking them if they “wanted to go on a trip to Seoul.” Then, after the mules carried the gold in their hindquarters, supposedly, they would drop the goods off at a subway station in Seoul for another member of the outfit. Xinhua reports that since May, the group is believed to have smuggled gold into South Korea on eleven different occasions by dividing it into 270 pieces of gold, each weighing 8 ounces (225 grams). That sure is a lot of booty.

Now those are some golden turd nuggets! I’m 100% sure these smugglers thought that if they got caught and the police strip searched them, their buttholes would be pixelated and they wouldn’t be able to find anything. I mean you kind of get conditioned to believe the porn you watch, right? On the rare occasion I get a BJ, if the girl isn’t letting me fuck her face I’m like a deer in the headlights. Totally shocked. Like, “Wait, so you’re not gonna let me plow into your throat with my ramrod?”  Same goes with these Korean bros. They’re just under the impression that when you get naked your shit’s blurred out from the bellybutton to the kneecaps.

But how fucking painful must it be to put in and take out these golden nuggets? I know people will say that drug smugglers put in huge bags of coke and heroin up there, but with those you can kind of mush them around to fit the texture of a specific rectum. The gold nuggets aren’t changing shape. They’re going in and coming out exactly the same. These guys will be shitting rectangular shaped poops for at least a year.

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